Why does motherhood feel like a trap I can’t escape?

I didn’t know I’d miss air this much.
The kind that fills your lungs when you’re not needed by anyone.
The kind that doesn’t smell like sour milk, baby wipes, or guilt.

Some days, I felt like I was suffocating inside a role I couldn’t take a break from.
Like the walls of “mama” were closing in, and no one noticed I hadn’t breathed in hours.

I loved my baby. But I missed me.

I missed slow mornings.
Getting dressed for me.
Making coffee without a crying soundtrack.
Being able to walk out the door without planning a military operation.

And I hated how ungrateful that made me feel.
Because I wanted this. I prayed for this. And yet — here I was.

Caged.
Trapped in routines, feedings, endless laundry piles.
Worn out by being the default parent. By the weight of invisible labor and the constantness of motherhood.

I didn't expect the resentment. The rage.
The whisper-thoughts of escape.

And then the shame came —for even thinking those thoughts.

But here’s what I’ve learned, and maybe it’ll set you free too:
You can feel trapped… and still love your baby.
You can want out… without wanting to quit.
You can feel stuck… and still show up every single day.

The moment I stopped trying to erase those feelings —and started listening to them —was the moment I found myself again.

Not all at once. Not in some big “aha.”

But in tiny acts of postpartum self-care —
A shower I didn’t rush through.
A bra that didn’t dig or remind me of pain.
A breath I didn’t have to earn.

Motherhood isn’t a trap.
But the silence around our struggles can be.

You’re not broken for feeling stuck. You’re not alone for craving space.
You’re not a bad mom for missing your freedom.

You’re still you.
She’s just waiting for a soft way back.

Love,
Lina P.