Why does it feel like other moms look down on me for going back to work?

Question from Olivia Q., 28, Toronto, Canada. Mom to a 5-month-old baby boy, Liam.

Olivia's navigating the hardships of going back to work after her maternity leave. Her husband's finances allow her to be a stay-at-home mom, but she secretly loves the independence and confidence her job gives her. Other moms in Olivia's community don't feel the same way about her choice. 

Mama, 

When my twins were about 4 months old, I started easing back into work. I run my business from home, which means I’m technically “around” all the time — but emotionally and mentally, it’s a juggling act that never stops. I’d be on a Zoom call with spit-up on my shoulder, or answering an email while one twin screamed through a sleep regression. It wasn’t glamorous. It wasn’t “having it all.” It was survival.

But what got to me wasn’t the chaos — it was the comments.

“Oh, you’re already working again?”
“Don’t you want to soak up this time with them?”
“Can’t you afford to just be with them for a while?”

The words were subtle, but the message was loud: I was doing motherhood wrong. Not soft enough. Not selfless enough. Not present enough.

What they didn’t see was that work, for me, wasn’t about escaping my babies. It was about remembering that I existed outside of feedings and naps and cluster cries. It was about anchoring myself to something that made me feel competent, confident, and — dare I say — like me again.

And still, the guilt stuck to me like static. Because even when you know you’re making the right choice for your family, it’s hard to feel confident when others quietly question it.

And yes, it felt especially sharp coming from other moms. Moms I thought would understand the complexity of this season. Moms who maybe stayed home, or had the kind of support system that made it easier to do so. Sometimes their judgment wasn’t even in their words — it was in the pause, the tone, the quick look at my laptop while my twins fussed.

Here’s what I want you to hear, from one working mom to another: your decision to work — whether from home or outside the home — doesn’t require anyone else’s permission. You are not less maternal because you also want to use your brain, or pay your bills, or keep a piece of yourself alive.

And if you’re like me, a twin mom trying to balance two needy little humans and a whole separate work life… the weight is heavy. But so is your strength. So is your heart. And the fact that you’re even worried about how others see you proves how deeply you care.

We need more honest conversations about the invisible labor of working moms — not more quiet shame disguised as concern. Your path doesn’t have to look like anyone else’s. You’re allowed to write your own version of motherhood.

And if someone can’t see that? That’s not your burden to carry.

Love from one working mom to another,
Lina P.