Why do I secretly hate the newborn phase?

Question from Karina B., 33, Canada. Mama to 3-month-old twin boys Luca and Tim

First-time mom who struggled with the transition into motherhood, especially during the exhausting early weeks. She feels guilty for not “enjoying every second” like she was told she should.

Mama,

When people asked how the newborn stage was going, I’d smile and say “beautiful, but hard.”

But the truth? I hated it.

I felt like a shell of a person.
Leaking milk. Running on 11 minutes of sleep.
Trapped under two tiny, screaming bodies who needed me more than I’d ever been needed.

I loved them — God, I loved them —but I didn’t love this part.

The newborn phase felt like being thrown into a storm with no oars.
No rest. No alone time.
No space to breathe or remember who I was before I became “mom.”

And then came the guilt.
Because everyone said I’d miss this.
“Enjoy every second,” they said.
As if not savoring every cluster feed made me ungrateful.

But what if I didn’t enjoy it?
What if postpartum self-care looked like whispering, “I hate this” into my pillow at 3 a.m.?
What if feeling like yourself again after a baby starts with being honest about what’s not magical?

For me, the turning point wasn’t joy —it was permission.
To say, “This is really f*cking hard.”
To wear the same milk-stained bra five days in a row.
To cry in the bathroom.
To not enjoy the newborn stage — and still be a good mom.

Eventually, I found small ways to come back to myself.
Wearing something soft. Washing my face.
Switching to a comfortable nursing bra that didn’t make me feel like I was strapped into a utility belt.

Tiny things.
But they made me feel human again.

So if you’re in the newborn fog, hating it and hating yourself for hating it —please hear me:

You’re not broken.
You’re not ungrateful.
You’re just going through something brutal, beautiful, and real.

And it won’t always feel like this.

Love,
Lina P.