Why do I miss my partner even when we’re in the same room?

Question from Paula G., 35, Medellín, Colombia. Mama to 5-month-old baby boy Andrés.

Sofia and her partner have been together for 6 years. They were once inseparable — spontaneous weekend trips, flirty banter, hours-long convos over drinks. Since having their first baby, the intimacy has shifted. They're physically present but emotionally disconnected, and Sofia is grieving the version of them they used to be.

Mama, 

I remember this ache.
Sitting on the couch, side by side, but feeling galaxies apart.
No hands brushing. No glances exchanged.
Just two tired people surviving a long day of parenting.

I missed him —the us we used to be.

We used to laugh in bed until midnight. We used to text each other inside jokes.
We used to actually see each other.

But once the twins came, we became…co-workers. Co-survivors.
Passing the twins back and forth like a shift change.
Making decisions about feeding, naps, diapers —but forgetting how to simply hold each other’s gaze.

Missing your partner while raising a baby together is one of the quietest heartbreaks of new parenthood. No one warns you that the emotional intimacy can vanish even when you still love each other.

But let me tell you something I learned the hard way:
This disconnection doesn’t mean the love is gone.
It means your relationship is growing under pressure.
It means you’re both stretched thin —not just by the baby, but by the invisible weight
of trying to be everything for everyone.

And yes, resentment can creep in. Bitterness. Loneliness.
You might even find yourself comparing your partner to the version of them you used to know.
The one who kissed your forehead. The one who made you laugh until your stomach hurt. The one who asked how you were doing.

I get it. I’ve been there.
And I’ll tell you what helped me feel connected again: Tiny, intentional moments.

Not date nights (though those are lovely when they happen).
But 15 seconds of hand-holding in the kitchen.
A sticky note left on the coffee machine.
A genuine, “I miss you. Not because you’re gone — but because we haven’t looked at each other in days.”

The postpartum season can shake your relationship.
But it can also rebuild it —with deeper tenderness, stronger roots, and a shared understanding that love isn’t always loud.
Sometimes it’s just being willing to try.
To reach for each other again, even across a room full of toys and laundry.

You are allowed to feel this grief.
You are allowed to say, “I miss us.”
And you are so worthy of being seen, even now —
especially now.

Love,
Lina P.