Why do I feel more judged by other moms than supported by them?

Question from Kelsey M., 31, Brisbane, Australia. Mom to 10-month-old baby Tye.

Kelsey left her job as a marketing coordinator after maternity leave and hasn’t felt like herself since. She’s been trying to connect with other moms through local playgroups and online forums, but the experience has made her feel more isolated than connected. She’s questioning whether mom communities are truly safe spaces or just comparison traps.

Mama,

Oof. This one stings. I’ve felt it too.
The polite smiles that don’t quite reach the eyes.
The way the conversation shifts when you admit screen time saved your sanity today.
The sideways glances when your baby's screaming and you’re too tired to give a Pinterest-worthy distraction.

It’s like walking into a pop quiz you didn’t know you were taking —and everyone’s silently circling your wrong answers.

Motherhood was supposed to come with a village.
But too often, it feels more like a courtroom.
Every decision you make —from diaper brands to discipline styles —is another line on the invisible report card.

I’ve been the mom in leggings and old spit-up stains next to another mom in matching linen sets.
I’ve packed the non-organic snacks. I’ve left the house with unwashed hair and the twins covered in a mystery smear. And I’ve felt those stares like daggers carving “not enough” across my back.

But mama, let me say this loud and clear:
You don’t owe anyone perfection.
Not the moms at playgroup. Not the ones on Instagram.
Not the judgy ones who make their validation by picking apart yours.

Real mom support isn’t about being the same.
It’s about showing up messy, tired, and still cheering each other on.

You deserve community, not comparison.
You deserve a motherhood space that says:
“Hey, me too” — not “I’d never.”
You deserve to pack the damn Goldfish and not feel like you failed a test.

And if you haven’t found that sisterhood yet, keep looking.
Because it’s out there.
Not perfect. Not polished. But real.

And you?
You’re doing better than they’ll ever know.

With love, a Goldfish in my bra, and zero shame,
Lina P.