Why do I feel like I’m not allowed to be angry?

Question from Diana M., 33, Illinois, USA. Mama to 8-month-old baby girl Debbie

Former social worker, now stay-at-home mom, struggling with silent rage and guilt around expressing frustration in motherhood.

Mama,

No one warned me about the rage.
Not the sleepless nights or the mental load —but the burning, boiling anger that swelled behind my ribs when I hadn’t had a moment to myself in days.

We’re taught that “good moms” don’t get angry.
We’re supposed to be patient. Grateful. Gentle.
Even when we’re drowning in overstimulation and unmet needs.

But here's the truth: maternal anger is real — and valid.

I used to feel like a ticking time bomb.
Not at my babies.
At the invisible expectations no one ever talked about.

At the partner who got to finish a cup of coffee.
At the world that praises “strong moms” but never asks if we’re okay.
At myself — for feeling like I wasn’t enough no matter how hard I tried.

I shoved that anger down. Buried it under a smile.
Until it started leaking out in quiet, scary ways:
Shortness with my babies. Resentment toward others. Exhaustion that sleep couldn’t fix.

That’s when I learned: anger is a signal.
A red flare from the parts of you that have been ignored for too long.

Postpartum anger isn’t a failure.
It’s a message.
You are not being selfish. You are being stretched beyond capacity.

If you’re feeling angry, mama — you’re not broken.
You’re burned out.
And it’s okay to say, “I need help.”
Not whispered. Not apologetically.

Loud. Clear. Like your life depends on it — because sometimes it does.

You’re allowed to feel it all.

Love,
Lina P.