Why am I scared my baby loves the babysitter more than me?

Question from Michelle T., 34, Austin, U.S. Mom to a 10-month-old baby girl, Sharlene.

Michelle is a work-from-home mom balancing client calls with diaper changes. She hired a part-time babysitter for survival — not because she wanted distance from her baby, but because she had to function. Now, every time her daughter squeals with joy when the sitter arrives, Michelle feels a stab of guilt and a whisper of fear: What if she loves her more than me?

Mama, 

Ooof. This one stings, doesn’t it?
Not because she’s doing anything wrong. But because you want to be their favorite, and sometimes… it doesn’t feel like you are.

I’ve been there.

As a twin mom who tried to do it all — bouncing babies on one knee while replying to emails with the other — I eventually cracked. We hired help. A kind, warm nanny named Mara who brought calm into our chaos. She was everything I needed her to be — and exactly what my babies loved. And I hated how that made me feel.

Here’s what I want you to hear:
Feeling jealous doesn’t make you a bad mom. It makes you a human one.

You’ve poured your entire soul into these little humans. You’ve wiped every tear, lost sleep night after night, planned their meals, kissed their bellies, and memorized the freckle behind their ear. So when someone else gets the giggles or the excited squeals… yeah, it can feel like betrayal.

But it’s not.

Your baby bonding with a caregiver doesn’t replace you — it reflects you.
Because it means you made a safe choice. You created a secure environment. You allowed someone into your child’s world who could support the love you’ve already laid the foundation for.

And the truth is — they still want you when they’re sick. When they’re scared. When they’re half-asleep and only your heartbeat will do.

That invisible thread? It’s there. No matter who else they smile at.

As moms, especially work-from-home moms with a babysitter, we live in this gray space — physically present but emotionally tugged in a hundred directions. And when guilt creeps in, it whispers lies like: You're not enough. You're missing it all. She’s doing it better than you.

But guilt is not truth.
Truth is: You are their mom. And that is irreplaceable.

Your babies don’t need you to be their only source of joy — they just need you to be their safe place. And you are. Even when you feel like you’re failing. Even when the babysitter gets the big smiles and you’re left with the tantrums.

It’s okay to feel sad.
It’s okay to feel threatened.
And it’s okay to need help and feel weird about it at the same time.

What matters is the love you show when no one’s watching — the quiet comforts, the sleepy whispers, the patience you give when your tank is empty.

That’s what makes you the mom.

And if you're holding it together while working, nursing, worrying, and still showing up with tenderness — that’s more than enough.

I hope you're wearing something soft and kind to your nervous system while doing it. (Bloom & Heal’s maternity bras saved me when I was juggling babies and Zoom calls — no wires, no digging, just comfort.)

You are seen. You are chosen. You are still their favorite in the ways that matter most.

Love,
Lina P.