When did feeding my baby become everyone else’s business — especially my mother-in-law’s?

Question from Ameena H., 33, Rotterdam, Netherlands. Mom to a 7-month-old baby boy, Sep.

Ameena's mother-in-law has been “helping out” several days a week. While she appreciates the extra hands, the constant commentary on feeding—whether it’s about breastfeeding more, introducing a bottle, or doing it “how she did it back in the day”—is chipping away at her confidence. Every time she picks up her baby or pulls out a bottle, she feels watched. Judged. Like motherhood is a performance she’s flunking. And even though she loves her MIL, the pressure is starting to suffocate her.

Mama,

Oh… I’ve been right where you are.

I remember holding one of my twins at 2 a.m., bleary-eyed and engorged, trying to nurse through cracked nipples and a fog of self-doubt — and still, somehow, feeling like I had to explain myself. Justify my choices. Like every bottle of formula was a confession. Like every nursing session that didn’t go perfectly was a mark against me.

At first, the comments were gentle. “Have you tried this?” or “Back in the day, we used to…” But eventually, they started to chip away at me. I didn’t realize how much weight I was carrying until one day, my mother-in-law said something small — something she probably didn’t even mean harshly — and I snapped. Not out loud. Just inside. I smiled and nodded. And then I cried in the shower for 40 minutes.

It wasn’t about the bottle or the boob or who held the baby. It was about feeling like no matter what I did, someone was always watching. Always questioning. Always ready with a better way.

I love my mother-in-law. She’s a kind woman. But even kind people can unknowingly cross boundaries when we’re too exhausted to draw them.

So if you’re sitting there wondering when feeding your baby turned into a public forum… you’re not crazy.

You’re just a mom who deserves to feed her baby without feeling like she’s being graded. You’re allowed to protect your peace. You’re allowed to feel sensitive. You’re allowed to say: “This is working for us, and I need you to trust me.”

And even if you can’t say it yet — I’ll say it for you.

You are doing beautifully. Feeding is love. And nobody else gets to define what that looks like for your baby but you.

Love,
Lina P.