I have twins and always tell my friends they don't know what 'tired' is because they only have 1 baby, but then I feel bad about it. Are moms with twins and triplets 2–3 times more tired than other moms?

Question from Isabella R., 33, Milan, Italy. Mom to 4-month-old boy twins, Lucca and Matteo.

Most of Isabella's close friends are first-time moms of singletons. She finds herself unintentionally minimizing their struggles, blurting out things like “try doing that with two” or “you don’t even know tired” — then feeling guilty afterward. Deep down, she’s just longing for someone to understand her level of exhaustion without making her feel like she’s competing for sympathy.

Mama, 

Oh Isabella… I’ve been you. I was you. 

And I want to say this with love: you’re not a bad mom for feeling that way. You’re just tired. Deep, bone-deep tired in a way that makes your soul ache.

I remember when my twins were newborns, and my friend with one baby told me she was “so tired.” I nearly laughed — or maybe I glared. I wanted to say, “You have one. Try two refluxy babies who never sleep at the same time and scream in harmony.” And sometimes, I did say things like that. With a smile, but still.

At first, I felt like I earned some kind of silent badge. Like maybe my double exhaustion made me more legit. Stronger. Better. Like the pain I was in meant I was doing motherhood “well enough.”
And maybe, underneath all that, I just wanted someone to see how hard I was trying.

But here's what I’ve learned:

• Exhaustion isn’t a competition.
• And it’s not the measure of a “good mom.”

Yes — parenting twins or triplets is a different kind of mental and physical load. It can be more intense. There’s less downtime. Fewer breaks. And often, less help. But that doesn’t mean a singleton mom isn’t also drowning in her own way.
Her tired is real. Your tired is real. Everyone’s threshold is different.

And sometimes, when we say “you don’t know tired,” what we really mean is: “I’m desperate to feel seen.”

You’re not cruel. You’re not arrogant. You’re running on fumes.
And the only thing worse than being that tired is feeling like you have to defend it.

So here’s what I try now: when a friend says she’s tired, I listen — and I nod — and if I still feel that ache to be understood, I say,
“I get it. It’s been rough for me too — just in a different way.”

Motherhood doesn’t need medals. It needs mirrors. And you, sweet twin mama, are allowed to feel as tired as you are — without comparing or competing.

I see you.
And I promise, your strength doesn’t need proof.

Love,
Lina P.