How do I tell my husband I want my mother-in-law out and prefer to hire a babysitter?

Question from Delaney M., 35, Raleigh, U.S. Mom to 4-month-old twin boys, Max and Tim.

Delaney's mother-in-law moved in temporarily to “help out” when the babies were born, but what started as support has slowly begun to feel suffocating. She feels like her home is no longer hers, like every feeding and diaper change is being silently critiqued. Her husband doesn’t see the problem — he thinks his mom is just trying to help — and Delaney’s terrified of sounding ungrateful, starting a family rift, or hurting anyone's feelings. But every day, she feels herself slowly disappearing in her own house.

Mama, 

At the beginning, any help feels like gold — and when my twins were born, I clung to every set of hands I could get. Including my mother-in-law’s. She cooked, she cleaned, she held the babies while I pumped — and I was grateful.

But once I started to catch my breath, once I began understanding my babies' rhythms and my own instincts, something shifted. Her help started to feel more like hovering. Her well-meaning comments started to feel like judgments. And her constant presence? Like a quiet invasion of my space and my spirit.

Let me be real: my MIL is a sweetheart. But even with her kindness, it was hard. I felt guilty. Disloyal. Like asking her to step back would make me the villain in my own story. And my husband? He didn’t get it at first either. Because she wasn’t being mean — just there. All. The. Time.

But here’s what I learned the hard way:

• You can be grateful for help and still need space.
• You can honor your husband’s relationship with his mom and still protect your peace.
• You are allowed to want your home — your sanctuary — back.

And that doesn't make you a bad wife. It makes you a mom who’s learning to listen to her needs.

So how do you bring it up without starting a war? You start by making it about you — not her. Say something like:

“I’m so grateful for everything your mom has done, and I know it’s helped us survive these early months. But now that the babies are older and I’m getting into more of a groove, I really need our space back. I’m feeling overwhelmed, and I think having a sitter — someone we choose together — might give us both more breathing room.”

You’re not asking him to choose between you and his mother. You’re asking for balance. Boundaries. A little oxygen.

This transition is tender, but it’s also powerful. You’re not just navigating motherhood — you’re learning how to speak your truth without guilt. And that’s a strength your babies will one day learn from.

You’ve got this, mama. Your voice matters — even when it shakes.

Love,
Lina P.