Can I fire my mother-in-law from babysitting our newborn if she ignores all my instructions and does what she thinks is best?

Question from Emma R., 31, Melbourne, Australia. Mom to a 6-month old baby boy, Tyler.

Emma is a first-time mom navigating the overwhelming flood of advice and help from her mother-in-law. Despite her gratitude, she feels frustrated and unheard when her clear instructions are ignored. She worries that confronting the situation might cause tension with her husband, who wants to keep family harmony.

Mama, 

When my twins were newborns, I welcomed every hand that offered to help—every meal brought, every diaper changed. My mother-in-law was a sweet soul, but as days passed, I realized that “help” sometimes felt like a takeover.

She had her way of doing things, and when I tried gently to share my instructions—feeding schedules, nap times, safe sleep guidelines—it felt like they just vanished into thin air.

I felt invisible. Like my voice didn’t matter, even though these were my babies, my body, my rules.

But here’s the thing: feeling this way doesn’t make you a bad mom or a bad wife. It makes you human. It makes you protective.

I was scared to rock the boat with my husband. I worried that asking for space or setting boundaries would hurt his relationship with his mom—and maybe even mine with him. But I learned something crucial: your family can only support you if they respect your needs and your parenting choices.

So I found the courage to say, “I appreciate your love and help so much, but I need to do this my way for now.” And I asked for her to step back from babysitting.

Was it awkward at first? Absolutely. But my husband saw how important it was to me. And instead of choosing between his mom and me, he chose us—our little family.

Setting boundaries isn’t about pushing people away. It’s about creating a safe, peaceful space where you and your baby can thrive. It’s about teaching others how to love you best.

So yes, you can say no to babysitting that doesn’t honor your wishes—and yes, it might ruffle some feathers. But your peace and your baby’s well-being are worth it.

Remember, mama, you’re not alone in this.

You are strong, you are worthy, and you get to decide how your family grows.

Love,
Lina P.