Am I a terrible mom for resenting my husband for 'babysitting' his own baby?

Question from Sofia L., 34, Denver, Colorado. Mom to 8-month-old twin girls Laura and María.

Sofia and her husband both work from home, but the caregiving balance is far from even. She handles 90% of baby duties and is often told how “lucky” she is when her husband “pitches in.” Lately, the imbalance is wearing on her — not just physically, but emotionally.

Mama, 

You’re not terrible. You’re tired. You’re stretched. You’re human.
And I’ve been right where you are.

The first time my husband offered to “babysit” our twins, I froze.
Babysit? As in… watching his own children?

I wanted to laugh. I wanted to scream.
Instead, I nodded, took a shower — and cried as the hot water hit the part of me that was starting to crack.

Because it wasn’t just the word.
It was what the word revealed.

It told me my role was the default.
That his care was optional — and mine was expected.
That he got applause for stepping in, while I barely got eye contact after surviving the night shift.

And still — I felt guilty for feeling resentful.

But listen to me, mama:
That isn’t resentment talking.
That’s the sound of imbalance finally pushing back.
That’s the sound of your limits saying, “Hey, I’m not okay.”

This isn’t about whether your partner loves your baby.
It’s about whether he sees you.
The load. The labor. The never-ending list in your head.

And no — love doesn’t cancel out inequality.
A good man can still miss the mental load.
A present dad can still be conditioned to believe his care is heroic while yours is just… assumed.

You are not crazy. You are not ungrateful.
And you are absolutely not a terrible mom for wanting a partner —not a “babysitter.”

This isn’t a small thing.
Because you shouldn’t have to break to be noticed.

And mama?
You deserve to be seen —not just when you're strong, but especially when you’re running on empty.

With you in this,
Lina P.