Why does hearing “you should be grateful” make me want to scream?

Question from Andrea M., 25, Florence, Italy. Mama to 7-month-old baby Nerea.

Andrea is a first-time mom navigating postpartum anxiety while caring for her daughter full-time. Her well-meaning family often tells her to “just be grateful,” leaving her feeling unheard and ashamed of her emotions.

Mama, 

If I had a dollar for every time someone told me to "be grateful,"
I could’ve hired a night nurse and finally slept more than two hours in a row.

Look — I am grateful.
So deeply, achingly grateful for my babies.
But gratitude and struggle are not opposites. You can hold both.

Telling a mom to “just be grateful” is like handing her a Band-Aid when she’s bleeding out.

It silences her. It shames her.
And it makes her feel like she’s failing for simply feeling.

Here’s the truth:
You can love your baby and still not love this phase.
You can be grateful for your life and still crave rest, support, space to breathe.

Motherhood isn’t a gratitude contest.
And pain doesn’t mean you’re ungrateful. It means you’re human.

So if you’ve ever wanted to scream when someone says,
“Well, at least you have a healthy baby…”
You’re not a monster. You’re a mom.

One who is worthy of compassion, not comparison.
One who gets to ask for help without needing permission.

You are allowed to feel everything.

Love,
Lina P.