Why do I feel like I love my baby, but hate being a mom?

Question from Sofia M., 31, Canada. Mama to a 5-month-old baby boy.

Oh mama, yes — so many of us feel this way or have felt this way at some point. You are not broken. 

I love my twins more than I can even put into words — but there were days I hated being a mom. Not because of them, but because no one told me about the grief that can live inside motherhood too. No one talks about mourning your freedom, your identity, your body, your energy. And when you love your babies but resent what you’ve lost... it feels like you’re failing somehow. 😔

I used to sit in the dark, nursing, wondering what was wrong with me.
How could I be so full of love and so full of sadness at the same time?

But one day, I finally said it out loud — to a friend, then to myself.
"I love my babies. I hate feeling invisible."

That small truth set me free. 

I started slowly reclaiming tiny pieces of myself again. It wasn’t overnight. It started with things like wearing a soft, supportive bra that didn’t make me feel like a stranger in my own skin. It meant asking for help. Taking walks alone. Listening to music that made me feel again.

Motherhood isn't all "precious moments" and gratitude posts. It's messy. It's contradictory. And loving your baby while hating parts of motherhood doesn’t make you a bad mom — it makes you a real one. 

You are still you. She’s still in there. And little by little, you will find her again.
I promise. 

Love,
Lina P.