Why do I feel like I lost myself after becoming a mom?

Question from Maya T., 28, USA. Mom of a 6-month-old boy.

The truth? Motherhood is a beautiful identity shift—but it’s also a kind of grief💔 When I had my twins, I felt like I had to say goodbye to the woman I was before. 

She was independent, carefree, and could leave the house without a 10-step checklist. Suddenly, I was consumed by diapers, feedings, and sleepless nights. I mourned that old version of myself. And honestly, I still do sometimes.

It hit hardest when I looked in the mirror and barely recognized the woman staring back at me. I missed my old routine, my hobbies, the things that made me feel like me. Some days, I would just stare at my reflection, wondering when I’d feel like myself again.

Here’s the thing, though: Your identity isn’t lost—it’s shifting. Becoming a mom doesn’t mean you’ve disappeared. It means you’re evolving. Yes, it’s hard, but that’s part of the journey. And it’s okay to miss who you were before. You’re allowed to grieve that loss while also learning to embrace this new, amazing version of yourself.

What helped me was finding small ways to reconnect with who I am. Simple things like wearing a nursing bra that didn’t make me itch or hurt. Having the freedom to take walks alone for a few minutes of peace. And playing music that reminded me of who I was before. Little by little, I began reclaiming parts of myself.

Don’t forget that the person you were before is still inside of you. You’re not gone; you’re just evolving. And that’s okay. She’ll show up again in the moments you least expect. 💖

Love,

Lina P.