Why do I avoid mom groups?
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Question from Hanne D., 31, Copenhagen, Denmark. Mama to 7-month-old baby boy Henrik.
Sarah is a first-time mom navigating postpartum life without a strong local support system. She joined a few mom groups hoping for connection, but instead found herself comparing everything — from feeding choices to sleep routines. The constant judgment and subtle competition left her feeling isolated, anxious, and unsure of herself.
Mama,
When I first joined a local twin mom group, I hoped for solidarity — women who got it, who’d sit in the trenches with me, spit-up on shirts and coffee in hand, laughing through the chaos.
Instead? I walked into a minefield of subtle shade.
Bottle vs. breast. Co-sleeping vs. crib. Screen time. Milestones.
It felt like every conversation came with a side of pressure.
And it wasn’t always mean. Sometimes, it was just that look — the one that made me shrink. The way another mom casually mentioned how her 4-month-old was already sleeping through the night (while mine were tag-teaming every hour). I left those meetups feeling more alone than before.
The truth is: motherhood comparison is a thief — of joy, of confidence, of community.
And those groups? They’re supposed to be about mom support and connection. But too often, they become quiet battlegrounds of who’s “doing it better.”
And that’s why I stepped back.
Not because I couldn’t handle differing choices — but because I was drowning in doubt, and I needed safety, not scrutiny.
It took me a while to find my people. The ones who don’t care if I formula-feed or if I nap while my twins watch Peanuts. The ones who text, “You surviving today?” instead of “Did you try sleep training yet?”
Mama, you deserve that kind of community. The one where you’re allowed to be messy, real, and raw. Where you’re not a project to fix — but a soul to support.
Until then, protect your peace. You’re doing motherhood your way — and that’s more than enough.
And if you ever want a judgment-free space? You've always got a space in the Bloom & Heal community. It’s the only place I’ve found where being real beats being right.
Love,
Lina P.