Does asking my mother-in-law to stop coming over uninvited make me a bad mom and wife?

Question from Chloé A., 30, Lyon, France. Mom to an 8-month-old baby girl, Anna. 

Chloé's new to motherhood, figuring things out, and trying to balance gratitude for help with a deep need for space and confidence in her own instincts.

Mama, 

In those early weeks, any help feels like a blessing. My mother-in-law would swing by with groceries, fold laundry, hold one twin so I could nurse the other.

At first, I was grateful. Overwhelmed, yes — but grateful. It felt like survival. But then something shifted.

I started to find my rhythm. I began learning my babies’ cues — how they liked to be rocked, what each little grunt meant. And instead of feeling supported, I started feeling… crowded. Like I was auditioning for the role of mother in my own home.

She never meant harm. Most mother-in-laws don’t. But still, I found myself tensing every time the doorbell rang. I didn’t want more advice. I didn’t want someone swooping in and doing things “her way.” I wanted space to figure out mine. And that didn’t make me a bad mom or wife. It just meant I was growing into my own motherhood — and trying to protect that.

The guilt is real, though. I remember wondering, “Will my husband think I’m being ungrateful? Will she think I don’t appreciate her?”

But here’s what I’ve learned: boundaries aren’t rejection — they’re an invitation to reestablish trust and clarity. You can love someone and still need space. You can be thankful for their help and still need room to breathe.

So no, you’re not a bad mom. You’re a woman learning to trust her instincts. And those instincts? They matter more than keeping the peace at your own expense.

You’re allowed to say, “Thank you — but not today.” That’s not cold. That’s courageous.

Love,
Lina P.